We’re baaaaaaaaack! The last session of ours fantasy sporting activities league video game of Game that Thrones, i beg your pardon is operation by Fantasizr, is upon us. It’s time to batten down the hatches, obsess end whether you gained a worthy lineup, and also pray come the Westerosi gods that your drafted characters don’t happen to cross courses with a pair of angry, hungry dragons. (Or if they do, that you’re offered the bonus points because that memorable deaths.) before we jump right into the episode, here’s a reminder of exactly how the score breakdown works and the transforms we’ve created the final season. The season 8 premiere was reasonably easy come score. It to be the equivalent a hot tub you ease yourself into until your body adjusts come the temperature. There shouldn’t be any wild surprises that leave us debating whether points should have been awarded. We have the right to save that for next week.

You are watching: Episode 1 season 8 game of thrones

The season 8 premiere to be a little lackluster when it concerned the violent devastation we’re supplied to in Game the Thrones, yet that’s okay. It’s better to act this final season choose a marathon, no a sprint. The premiere opens up v Daenerys, Jon Snow, she inner circle, and also the impressive army she’s gathered over the last couple of seasons riding right into Winterfell. That not precisely a warmth welcome by any type of stretch that the imagination, however at the very least Tyrion and also Varys have each other’s firm — though maybe that’s no as delightful together it seems. Tyrion opens the illustration by poking funny at Varys because that being a eunuch. Once asked why the acceptable for Tyrion come badger Varys however not the other way around, Tyrion responds, “Because I have actually balls and also you don’t.” (+5) Look, i’m a sucker for a great balls joke. Is it since I’m forever 10 year old at heart? Probably.

Varys may not be pleased v Tyrion’s constant taunting, yet at least he’s not the only one in Winterfell working overtime come suppress a grimace. Jon eye returns home to hugs from his sisters and an emotionless acknowledgment native Bran (who important has come to be a situation example in the continuous study of whether sociopaths room a byproduct that nature or nurture), yet that’s all. Lyanna Mormont, my brand-new personal hero, eviscerates Jon in the great Hall for leaving Winterfell together King in the North and also returning as Daenerys’ arm candy. Also when that tries to safeguard himself, the clear that riding right into town alongside Daenerys has actually lost him the respect that his black-clad countrymen and women. Bad Jon. He must adapt his ideal Tina Turner, and yell the end to every those evaluate him, “What’s love acquired to perform with it?” (It, in this case, gift the prevention of Winterfell falling.)

Lyanna Mormont in ~ the good Hall in Winterfell. HBO
Even those on Winterfell’s key council, however, have their involves with Daenerys. Sansa Stark, Lady of Winterfell, speak Daenerys, “Winterfell is yours” upon their arrival, but that doesn’t average Sansa’s going to shut up and stand by. Because that example, she desires to know just how Daenerys and also Jon plan to keep the citizen of Winterfell fed as soon as there are thousands much more mouths to feed now. And what around the dragons? What do dragons also eat, Sansa not-so-politely asks. “Whatever lock want,” Daenerys replies, in an even, “Oh, this is how you desire to do it?” tone.

I’m not one to pit two exceptionally amazing women against each other, however I flourish on the drama. If this to be an episode of Real Housewives, Sansa and also Daenerys would certainly have gotten into the already. I’m not saying Game the Thrones needs to become Real World. I’m just saying Winterfell could learn a tiny from Bravo and also MTV truth shows.

It doesn’t matter that Jon Snow’s girlfriend and also sister space fighting. Gift a stoic masculine stereotype, he prevents it all by going because that a solitary walk and running into his sisters Arya. Finally, he thinks together they embrace, someone who’s not fighting through my girlfriend! but it transforms out, that isn’t quite the case. ~ Arya confesses that she’s a murderer now (which Jon ignores), she likewise gets on his case around his family members duties. Jon has just returned to Winterfell, and also before he have the right to have a bowl of goat stew, he’s having to defend his dragon-riding girlfriend to the remainder of his family members — other than Bran, who’s also busy staring at world in the courtyard to care about the inner functions of their household drama.

Euron Greyjoy professing his “love” because that Cersei. HBO
Forget the North, though. That time come head south. King’s Landing has constantly been mine favorite setup in Game that Thrones. It’s residence to the messiest of messy people. This season is no exception. Euron Greyjoy, the worst goth boy who ever before roamed the seas, has actually returned to king Landing through the military of mercenaries and horses the promised Cersei. (But he’s brief on elephants.) They arrive at an opportune moment: she’s simply learned that the White Walkers have actually busted through the wall surface in the North. The monstrous undead can take treatment of her enemies, and, when she no seem to have thought about what wake up after that, she’s feeling pretty, pretty, quite good, together Larry David would say.

Euron’s barely ago in town as soon as he hits on Cersei (+5 for a interlocutor come-on), and also he additionally has a drink (+10) while telling his tied-up niece, Yara Greyjoy, that he’s going come “fuck the queen.” Euron sucks. He is the kind of man you’d think is cute while sitting at a bar, and also then he states literally anything, and you’re currently faking a dying relative to escape. He more or much less says Cersei owes him sex at this point, and also I can barely contain mine squeal of excitement when she perfect responds by saying, “You desire a whore, purchase one. You want a queen, earn her.” Brutal. (+10)

The fact that she proceeds come hook up v him (+15, Cersei and Euron) quiet is questionable, however I gain it. Look, it’s to be a while, and also a woman has needs. Plus, Euron has huge Dick Energy. His arrogance simply gets worse ~ they’ve had actually sex. Cersei drinks some wine (+10) and also reminds him that she’s killed other guys for their insolence. Euron smirks and also says, “They were lesser men.” (+5) that then assures to “put a prince” inside her prior to leaving. Is Euron twisted? Yes. Is the disgusting? there is no question. Is the a key player in maintaining the confusing drama thriving? Absolutely. And also for that, ns am grateful he’s around.

If you believed Game of Thrones had relocated on from over-the-top sex scenes, the hasn’t! us reconnect with shirtless, contempt pantless Bronn (+5 for PG-13 apparel loss) in a brothel. He’s with 3 prostitutes who mostly just want to talk about Daenerys’ dragons and what taken place to Ed Sheeran’s Lannister soldier character. Bronn simply wants to forget the fight entirely, therefore the drink in his hand (+10). Simply as he’s start to reap himself (+10 for arbitrarily sex), he is interrupted by old Qyburn (+10 for watching civilization have sex). Cersei needs Bronn to head North and find she brothers, Tyrion and Jaime. If they endure the White Walkers, she wants Bronn to death them with the very same crossbow that killed her dad Tywin. Remember the death? if he to be on the toilet? Imagine: Jaime has ridden north to try to defend Cersei and their baby, and also here she is make the efforts to kill him. In the immortal words of Tina Turner, “What’s love acquired to perform with it?”

Theon Greyjoy rescuing his sister, Yara. HBO
So far, Game of Thrones’ return has yielded the drama and sex we’re supplied to, however there’s been a noticeable absence of killing. That’s wherein Theon Greyjoy comes in. When Euron is out there, stirring points up, promising to placed princes in queens, Theon and his tape of funny Kraken guys take out a pair of Euron’s soldiers. (It appears like around four of castle die, but it’s unclear how countless Theon eliminated himself, for this reason we compromised with a +20 that assumes the personally took the end at least a couple.) Theon makes great on his promise the rescuing Yara and heads residence to the steel Islands. This episode has actually reunions because that everyone!

Speaking of reunions, ago in Winterfell, the North’s brand-new Gossip Girl team has actually united come talk about Jon and Daenerys’ relationship. Varys, Tyrion, and Ser Davos room watching the two lovebirds talk to every other, mentioning the services of a marriage in between two an effective houses. Alas, if just they knew what Bran and Sam know! But more on that later.

Out the prying eyes and also ears, Jon and Daenerys walk around the courtyard. They have much come discuss. First, an military of grotesque zombies is ~ above its method to ruin everything and everyone Jon loves. Much more importantly, Sansa has actually an concern with Daenerys, which method Daenerys has an problem with Sansa. Jon can’t just hike his method out the this one! What adheres to is something out of a teenager drama (and I have actually watched plenty of a teenager drama).

Daenerys: “Your sister doesn’t choose me.”

Jon: “She doesn’t know you!”

Daenerys: “I am her queen!! If she can’t respect me…”

I told you, I’m right here for the messiness this season. No one of this really matters quiet because, in ~ the next couple of minutes, Game that Thrones’ eighth season provides in to temptation. We finally get to check out Jon ride Rhaegal, the dragon named after his biological father. Who doesn’t love great narrative styling?

Jon Snow v his dragon-father-namesake, Rhaegal. HBO
Jon and Daenerys are riding dragons v the wait (+25 because that both), swooping and also soaring. It’s fairly a exceptional feat to see on a television show. It’s also heavily storage of take care of Potter riding Buckbeak for the very first time in Harry Potter and the sinner of Azkaban or any of the scenes in How to Train your Dragon 2. The doesn’t lessen the beauty beauty of this Game of Thrones moment, yet I watched it through the soon recognizable overture the the Harry Potter films running through my head.

They finally land, and Jon, in a minute of complete euphoric dizziness, transforms to Daenerys. “You’ve completely ruined horses for me.” (+5). Jon and also Daenerys are still in their honeymoon stage. They’re all lovey-dovey. They’ve already deleted the Westeros variation of Tinder. It’s adorable.

Unfortunately, castle can’t run away from their problems, and also they need to return to Winterfell. Jon, speak high native his ride, confronts Sansa. She pissed. Home Glover isn’t going to ride with them right into war, and Sansa blames Jon. He abandoned his post! the was an alleged to it is in King in the North, and now he is come ago with this outsider? “I’m informing you, that doesn’t matter who holds what title,” Jon tells her. “She’ll it is in a great queen. She’s no her father.”

I intend that’s one way to obtain your sister to shot and warmth up to your girlfriend. It’s probably not the means I would have actually suggested, however to each their own! Sansa asks Jon if the bent the knee to save the phibìc or since he was in love, and also he doesn’t get a possibility to respond. Knowing Jon, he would most likely say something like, “Can’t i love both?” Boooo! This is war, Jon! yes no time because that pedantic “both sides” debates right now. And this is not exactly how you success your sister over to the woman you’re in love with, anyway! Ugh. Where’s her inner Tina Turner, Jon? It’s since of Sansa’s snappy one-liners, rebellion against her new Queen, and her capability to do Jon snow feel favor dirt that I’m crowning her MVP of this episode (+20).

Sam discovering that, actually, his family is dead. HBO
Somewhere else in the castle, Daenerys and also Jorah Mormont room walking about like they own the place, i beg your pardon technically they perform now. They seek out Samwell Tarly to say thanks to him for saving Jorah. Climate things acquire awkward. Sam might not know Daenerys is resting with she nephew, and also he definitely doesn"t recognize she killed his father and also brother — till she speak him. The emotional punches don’t stop there, either. Bran, taking a brief break native staring creepily at world in the Winterfell courtyard, speak Sam he need to alert Jon to his true parentage. If yes sir one point I’ve learned native Game of Thrones and The lord of the Rings, it’s that friendly blokes called Sam constantly end up having to put up the most emotional labor.

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First, though, it’s back to the North. Tormund, Dolorous Edd, and Beric Dondarrion space at residence Umber’s keep, critical Hearth, whereby they walk into something out of a Satanic ritual put on through a bunch of bored suburban kids gone wrong. They discover young Ned Umber, the young who showed up early in the episode throughout the an excellent Hall scene, pinned to a wall. His men have actually been hacked to pieces and used to develop one the those red spirals the White Walkers love to leaving at the step of their crimes. It’s pretty horrific, yet then Ned Umber lets out an ear-piercing shriek that, follow to civilization present at the new York premiere, scared the life poop out of attendees.

Beric, always the Solid snake cosplayer of my dreams, lights up his magical knife (+50) and also burns Ned Umber, death him for an excellent (+25). It’s one of the much more spectacular deaths (+25 because that Ned) we’ve viewed in Game that Thrones. And although the unfortunate that little Ned’s life was so short, at the very least now he deserve to rest 6 feet umber.

Now that the demon-child is gone, we’re heading ago to Winterfell. That time for Sam to tell Jon about his parentage. The doesn’t go over supervisor well. Jon no want an additional dad. He had actually the best dad in the world! Jon went from reasoning he to be a bastard boy to an outcast within his own household to a member that the Knight’s clock to accurate deceased, and he’s now being told he’s the rightful heir come the stole Throne. That’s one hell the an identity crisis. Jon didn’t take any of that well. It’s basically a much longer version the this:

At this point in time, over there are only a couple of minutes left in the episode. If you’re favor me, you’ve got one concern rattling about in your brain: where the hell is God’s greatest gift to man, Jaime Lannister?

Fret not (as ns did): he is arrived in Winterfell. He’s looking scruffy and also scraggly and oh therefore handsome. His moment of delight of finally reaching his location is short-lived, though, together he provides eye call with Winterfell’s many eligible serial killer, Bran. There’s no better way 보다 this an excellent video to sum up the feeling of absolute dread Jaime must be feeling upon realizing the the little boy he driven out the a 20-story structure years back didn’t plummet to his death. You done goofed, Jaime. Girlfriend stupid, madness handsome man.

Can you feel the drama circling the air? deserve to you taste the forbidden romances abound? have the right to anyone please assist Bran leave that one spot in the courtyard? Game that Thrones’ final season may have actually just begun, yet it’s currently so much fun, isn’t it?


Julia Alexander: 75 points

Top scorer: Beric Dondarrion (75 points)

Note: the the last season of video game of Game of Thrones — and the an initial one I ever before got come play as part of Team Verge. Best believe I am playing along.