Dripping Thighs, sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken through a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and also more, more, more! Fifty chicken recipes, each much more seductive than the last, in a book that provides every dinner a turn-on.   “I want you to watch this. Then you’ll understand everything. It’s a cookbook,” that says and also opens to part recipes, with color photos. “I desire to prepare you, an extremely much.” This isn’t just about getting me warm till mine juices operation clear, and also then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He assures we’ll start out slow, v wine and also a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will manage everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, however as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be revolutionized from a raw, essential bird into something—what? other delicious.  So starts the adventures of miss out on Chicken, a young free-range, from life innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James’s sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Favor Anastasia Steele, miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy that a overcoming man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.  And prior to long, from unbearably slow drizzling come trussing, miss Chicken discovers the thin thrill of becoming the key course. A parody in three acts—“The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect because that weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the orgasm of cooking)—Fifty Shades that Chicken is a cookbook that fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken key that will leave friend hungry because that more.With memorable tips and also revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have actually you conquering dinner.


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Oh, chicken, did you simply cluck in ~ me?”   Crap.   “No,” i squawk hoarsely.   “I think you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I claimed I’d execute to you if friend clucked?”   Aw, jeez. “Yes.” i pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”   “My word is mine bond,” the crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then i will chef you, very hot and also hard.”   I recognize what his hard cooking is like.   “I’m not certain I have the right to take any more quite yet,” i whine.   “Stamina, miss out on Hen,” he says brightly.   My inside goddess has donned a small cheerleader’s uniform and also starts to chant.   Give me a B!   Whack.   Give me one L!   Whack.   Give me one A!   Whack.   Give me a D! E! S!    Whack whack whack.   What does the spell?   Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what that spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, for this reason I manage to save the thought to myself for once.   He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness.    “You are a many beautiful sight,” that says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And her smell is intoxicating.”   Afterward, all over he spanked me is stinging and warm. The endure was humiliating and also mustardy and also unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t desire him to execute that to me again. But now the it’s end I have actually this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. Ns feel contented, and totally confused.   I must remember to cluck in ~ him an ext often. Mustard Spanked Chicken roasted chicken v mustard, fresh basil, and also garlic   Serves 41 (3½- come 4-pound) chicken, patted dried with file towels1 teaspoon rough circuit kosher salt, more to taste½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper2 tablespoons Dijon mustard2 teaspoons minced fresh basil2 garlic cloves, minced3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, v the salt and pepper. 2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and also garlic and slap it hard onto the bird anywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it have the right to recover.3. Preheat the stove to 400 degrees F. Ar a rack in a roasting pan.4. Closely lay the bird ~ above the rack, chest down. Drizzle v 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast because that 30 minutes. Thrust a wood spoon into the chicken cavity and also flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with continuing to be oil. Proceed to roast until the bird is gold brown and also quite done, around 30 come 40 minute longer. Enjoy.   ***      The method his apron hangs indigenous his hips already has me all wobbly. But as that coats my thighs v sticky liquid I deserve to hardly contain myself. Is the the wine, or is mine aroma starting to drive him stunner too?    He heats me up fast, that won’t take much to finish me turn off now. His lips quirk up right into a smile. My own juices are mixing through the coating and running almost everywhere the place. I obtain the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic emotion up and also down. It’s epicureanism run wild!   He diffusion my thighs the end on a plate. Difficult hands and also at least 5 wet napkins. What will the housekeeper think? that cares? Dripping Thighsroasted chicken thighs with sweet and sour onions   Serves 41 lb boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with file towels2 garlic cloves, finely chopped1 teaspoon to add pinch rough circuit kosher salt½ teaspoon fresh ground black color pepper1 sweet onion, thinly sliced1 cup white wine1 only leaf1 cinnamon stick2 tablespoons unsalted butter1 tablespoon honey 1. Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and also pepper together. 2. In a tiny saucepan, simmer with each other onion, wine, only leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch of salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 come 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and also butter. 3. Spoon the mixture over the chicken and toss well. Spread out thighs, onion mixture, and any juices onto a baking sheet. Bake until chicken is no much longer pink and onions room meltingly tender and also caramelized, about 25 minutes.


Table the Contents

1: The Novice Bird   
Extra-Virgin Chicken, Vanilla Chicken, Popped-Cherry Pullet, Learning-to-Truss-You, Chicken with a Lardon, Spanked Hen, Hot-Rubbed Hen, Spicy Fowl, Slicked Chick, Hard and also Crisp Chicken on Soft Dumplings, Basted Bird, divine Mole!, Chili-Lashed Fricassee, Bone-In Broiler, cock Au Vin, traction Pullet, and also Please-Don’t-Stop Chicken 2: Falling come Pieces: Chicken Parts and Bits    Holy-Hell Wings, bound Wings, Chicken-Strip Tease, difficult (Chicken) Fingers, Dripping Thighs, Spread and Stuffed Thighs, Pounded Thighs, Creamed Chicken Supreme, Go-Get-the-Butter Breasts, Steamy White Meat, Chicken and also Tongue Ring, Pounded Tenderloin, Crimson Chicken Breasts, Iced Chicken Salad, Skewered Chicken, Chicken Hearts and also Flowers, Chicken Sub 3: advanced Technique: chickens Gone Wild   Spatchcocked Chicken, Capon ~ above Top, Boned Chicken, Spread-Eagle Chicken, Safe-Word Fowl, Hard-Limit Bird, Hogtied and Porked Chicken (with sausage), Red-Cheeked Chook (with apple), friend Dirty Bird, Backdoor Beer deserve to Chicken, Erect Chicken, Forcemeat Chicken Foam, Hard-Slapped Roaster, Rough-Stuffed Clucker, Quailing Chicken Gelee, (Flame) Licked ChickEpilogue AcknowledgmentsIndex
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“…it will undoubtedly end up being one the America"s many cherished cookbooks of all time.”-Eater.com “Like any good parody, this manages come make fun of both the flabby porn of "Fifty Shades" and the gushing language of "food porn…” -BonAppetit.com “…this genius small tidbit the combines the sexual and the culinary…” -Glamour.com “All signs indicate that Fifty Shades the Chicken, a brand-new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades that Grey, is the genuine deal. Us can"t gain over the hilarity that the description on the book"s net site.” -Huffington Post"The publication that spawned “mommy porn” has now provided a new an interpretation to playing through your food. . . You’ll never ever look at chickens the same means again." -Salon.com"Besides clever writing v laugh-out-loud dual entendres, Fifty Shades that Chicken provides 50 (of course) tempting recipes, amongst them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and also Cranberry small Chicken with Apple Cider." -The Republic


recipe

Dripping Thighsroasted chicken thighs v sweet and also sour onions
The method his apron hangs indigenous his hips already has me all wobbly. But as he coats mine thighs through sticky fluid I have the right to hardly save myself. Is it the wine, or is mine aroma starting to drive him stunner too? he heats me increase fast, it won"t take much too?He heats me up fast, that won"t take much to complete me turn off now. His lips quirk approximately a smile. My very own juices are mixing with the coating and running all over the place. I acquire the strangest, sweetest, hedonistic feeling up and also down. It"s epicureanism run wild!He spreads my thighs the end on a plate. Difficult hands and at least 5 wet napkins. What will certainly the housekeeper think? who cares?1 lb boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with record towels2 garlic cloves, finely chopped1 teaspoon plus pinch outlet kosher salt½ teaspoon fresh ground black pepper1 sweet onion, thinly sliced1 cup white wine1 just leaf1 cinnamon stick2 tablespoons unsalted butter1 tablespoon honey1.Preheat the oven to 450° F. In a large bowl, toss the chicken, garlic, 1 teaspoon salt, and also pepper together.2.In a little saucepan, simmer together onion, wine, only leaf, cinnamon stick, and a pinch the salt until most of the liquid has evaporated, 15 to 20 minutes. Toss in the honey and also butter.3.Spoon the mixture end the chicken and also toss well. Spread out thighs, onion mixture, and any juices top top a baking sheet. Bake till chicken is no longer pink and also onions space meltingly tender and also caramelized, around 25 minutes.
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Fifty Shades the Chicken

Editorial Reviews

Will undoubtedly end up being one of America"s many cherished cookbooks of every time.”—Eater “Like any an excellent parody, this manages come make fun of both the flabby erotic of Fifty Shades and the gushing language of ‘food porn.’”—Bon Appetit“This genius small tidbit that combines the sexual and also the culinary,”—Glamour “All signs indicate that Fifty Shades that Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can"t acquire over the hilarity that the summary on the book"s internet site.”—HuffPost"The book that spawned ‘mommy porn’ has now offered a new an interpretation to playing through your food. . . You’ll never ever look at chicken the same means again."—Salon"Besides clever writing v laugh-out-loud twin entendres, Fifty Shades of Chicken provides 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry small Chicken through Apple Cider."—The Republic